Back in the Saddle

Thank you all for your thoughts and condolences. Things are somewhat getting back to normal. There are about a hundred times a day when I think about something and it makes me think of Gesa. Indian food. Quilting. Shopping at the Macy's clearance store. And so on and so forth. But life goes on, I suppose.

We've been back from DC for a week. G tried to take a picture of the president's helicopter and he swears some man in a black trenchcoat followed him everywhere around the monument mall taking his picture after that. It's unfortunate that we can't even be geeky Americans and take pictures of something like that without being thought of as a possible terrorist. Or maybe G is just paranoid.

I'd like to go back there sometime, under better circumstances. What an amazing place for history. Maybe after the kids are a little older, we'll head to the Smithsonian.

While we were there, I finished my sweater I've been working on. Well, except for the zipper. But the knitting is done. And in time for my cruise. Which is in only 3 weeks! I've sort of lost my knitting mojo since then. I haven't done much knitting on my latest pair of socks. I haven't bought yarn in about 5 months. I was thinking that a little retail therapy might be just what the doctor ordered. Any recommendations for a quick shawl that I could maybe get done before the cruise? I was thinking about the Clapotis shawl. It looks like it'd be a pretty quick knit. Any ideas?

Overwhelming sadness

One week ago today, my friend Gesa was killed in a car crash. She was in Maryland visiting her family, which she does every year at Easter. Her daughter was in the car and survived, but with some fairly significant injuries. She was my partner at work. We shared a hallway of patient rooms, and saw each others patients. She was the one who taught me to quilt. And I taught her how to follow a dress pattern. She and I were pregnant the same time. We nursed our babies together. Her daughter and Catie are 7 months apart, and play together. We struggled through some tough times at work together. She was who I often went to when I needed advice, not only about patients and medicine, but about kids and husbands and difficult relationships with moms.

I haven't written about this, because I didn't know what to say. I still don't know what to say, but feel compelled to write something. Anything. I think to some degree, I've been in some stage of denial. But today it all hit me. To say that today has been difficult would be an understatement. I saw several patients of hers today, and think I cried seeing each one of them. I've been sitting at my desk crying for over an hour, trying to finish the day's paperwork, and can't bring myself to do it.


I met Gesa 5 years ago, when I was still a resident and she was my attending. She scared the crap out of me. She was incredibly intelligent. And she could curse. Good lord, could she curse. We really became friends when she found out I wanted to learn to quilt. She has been an enormous source of support for me over the past 5 years. I hope that I provided some for her. She was who saw Jack when he was sick with the penny episode a couple of weeks ago. I don't even know if I really properly thanked her for taking care of him. She left for Maryland the next day. And now I'll never have that chance.


Gesa always said we should go to Washington DC together sometime. Now I'm going, but for something entirely different. To say goodbye. Her funeral is this weekend. G is going with me, and the kids are staying here, part of the time with my parents and part with a couple of friends. I don't think I've ever hugged my kids and G as much as I have these past few days. I have this sense of urgency that I need to make sure they know I love them. A sense of urgency that I ought to have every day. We, or at least I, seem to take things for granted. There will be tomorrow, next week, next month, next year to do...whatever it may be. But today may be it. And I'm reminded we need to make the most of it. This has really become crystal clear this week. Not that this should be the way that it gets drilled into my head, though. Somehow I feel better getting this all written down, even if none of you make it to the end of this.

So long, Gesa. Thanks for everything. And I'll miss you like crazy.

A good Easter

The week is over. Thank goodness. Now everytime I can't find something, I'm convinced that Jack has swallowed it. But he's back to his usual self. I think he's gained back what he lost and more. Today he tried chocolate pie for the first time. I think he enjoyed it...immensely!

That's my pile of fabric and yarn behind it. I haven't bought yarn for about 4 months. Fabric, though...that's a whole other story.

I have tomorrow off (sort of). I'm on call tonight, and have a bunch of errands to do tomorrow, as well as paperwork. Then it's 2 days in the office, and then I'm off to a women's health conference in Arizona. The town is Carefree, just north of Scottsdale. I'm going by myself. No husband and no kids. I've found a botanical garden there I'm going to go visit, but if any you out there have any tips for good places to go or eat, let me know.

Penny For Your Thoughts

We honestly thought he had a virus. Or was teething. Saturday Jack threw up a couple of times, then had a little fever. He was a little puny for the next few days, with off and on fevers, and not eating great. But nothing alarming. Last night (Wednesday) was the worst. His fever was up to 102.5. His voice was a little hoarse. He only would eat cold things like ice cream and applesauce. He would drink and nurse, but just wasn't himself. I contemplated taking him to the ER, but hey, I'm a doctor, right? I'd be bringing my kid in for some virus that there was no cure for.

But still, 6 days of fever is a little concerning. I called my office this morning and had him worked in with one of my partners. The ears were good. The lungs were clear. No bad rash. His throat was a little red, but nothing horrible. He had lost 10 ounces since his check up last week, though. Since it'd been going on for so long, and he was dehydrated, we started with blood work, a urinalysis, a swab for influenza and RSV, and a chest x-ray. Just to "cover the bases".

The drawing blood was bad enough. The swabs sucked. The chest x-ray was even worse. They have this little chair they put the kid in, then strap him in with his arms above his head. But that was nothing compared to the overwhelming wave of nausea that hit me when this came out of the x-ray developing machine.


No, that's not a 70s disco gold medallion necklace. No, that's not something on the machine. That's a coin stuck in my son's esophagus. My little almost 13 month old son, that just a year ago, was just barely getting off the ventilator and out the the NICU. How crappy of a mom am I to first of all, let this happen, and second of all, to not even have a clue that it did?

So off we went to the ENT's office, who sent us to the hospital. We had to wait a couple of hours, because I had nursed him during his appointment at my office. So at 2:30, they took him back to the OR, put him to sleep, intubated him, stuck a scope down and pulled it out. His esophagus is a little irritated, but if certainly could have been worse. We were placing bets on what denomination of coin it was. I was voting for a nickel, but no...



A penny. A 1976 penny to be precise. I feel horrible. But Jack's none the worse for it. He is already much more back to his normal self. He chowed down on supper tonight. He's had his first soaking wet diaper in days. It could have been much worse, but someday we'll all laugh about it. We're already joking that we're going to have the penny and the x-ray framed or something.

The penny says, "In God we Trust". But in our house, it's in Dr. Lamers, Dr. Ward, and Dr. Snow that we trust.

Farms, Gardens, and Socks

Well, we've pretty much decided to make an offer on some land. We're working on getting the finances finalized this week, then then it's down to the nitty gritty negotiations. Cross your fingers for us. We went out and walked around the land on Sunday afternoon...great pastures, and great views. Please oh please let this work.

I planted seeds tonight. To be correct Catie and I planted seeds. I did the planting, and she did the watering. Last year I bought her a little kids watering can, rake, etc. She didn't really use it last year, but tonight she thought it was the coolest thing ever. So hopefully our lettuce and spinach will actually come up this year. We'll do some more planting later on, but this is our start.

And in knitting news, I have finished a pair of socks.

The Serendipidity socks for the Rockin' Sock Club 2008. This was a great pattern. Love, love, love the socks. The only modification I made was to knit the cuff on size 2 needles to fit my fat legs. The heel and foot were in the size 1's the pattern called for. I'm a short-row heel convert. This heel fits me MUCH better than the heel flap/gusset that I usually do. Next I need to finish the sweater for myself. How is it possible that I both love and hate simple stockinette all at the same time? It's simple and easy, and yet at times it bores me to tears. I need another project to mix it up...Lace? Kid knitting? Another pair of socks?

Growing Challenge--Week 1

Last week I blogged about joining the Growing Challenge . One of the goals is to grow something you haven't grown before. So tonight I ordered potatoes. I ordered from Seeds of Change. I'm fascinated by blue potatoes, and so ordered these along with some Yukon Gold potatoes.

Along our fence in the back, we had some old roses that were crazy out of control and going wild. G dug them out this past week, and I think that spot will make a great area for potatoes...it's already somewhat of a raised bed, and I think I might try to grow some of them with the no-dig method I read about in one of my books.

Also we're getting closer to hopefully purchasing some land. We're trying to get our financing all lined up, and hopefully will actually make an offer in the next couple of weeks. Cross your fingers for us. I lay in bed at night and dream up ideas for our farm...a little orchard, a big veggie garden, intensive grazing for sheep and cattle, maybe a milk cow, a red barn, a big white farmhouse with clothes flapping on a clothesline. Utopia, I tell you.

Happy Birthday Jack

Thursday was Jack's 1st birthday. In typical Jocele fashion, I'm late posting about it. We had cupcakes at work on Thursday (he comes to lunch every day so I can nurse him). Then that night, we went to my parents' house for dinner and cake. Today we had people over here for a party and to knit and play cards. I love pinochle. At any rate, he's had a good few days. Lots of cake. Lots of presents. Lots of playing with toys and crawling around.

Here he is with his new dump truck from Kim

And eating red velvet cake and Grammy's on Thursday.

And all this birthday party stuff is tiring...


Happy Birthday to my best boy!